Revenge is a dish best served cold…
We recieved a letter a few days ago addressed to The Manager, Dialog Direct, which I thought was suitably odd. I opened it and it was a request for a reference for Darren as he’s been offered a job with a well known bookkeepers. I felt the need to reply.
Dear Mr Sandhu,
Please find the enclosed reference as requested in your letter. I should however point out that I am not the manager of Dialog Direct nor have I ever worked for that company. I merely live at the address he gave you. Mr Beckinsale also used to live here with his friend Miss Clarke both of whom worked for Dialog Direct.
The real manager of Dialog Direct is a man named Lee and I’m afraid I don’t have a contact number for him, however there is a good chance he would not remember Mr Beckinsale as he only employed him for a week before firing him. After that Mr Beckinsale and Miss Clarke were in fact both working together and then splitting the money that Miss Clarke was paid.
Mr Beckinsale moved out a little over six months ago and Miss Clarke departed about a month ago, neither of them left forwarding addresses. I can only assume that the plan was for Miss Clarke to write Mr Beckinsale’s reference and you would have been none the wiser. I feel it my civic duty to let you know what sort of person you are considering employing.
When Mr Beckinsale moved out, he gave his furniture to Miss Clarke, when she moved out she sold it on to us. Four days later Mr Beckinsale returned and stole “his” property, as well as an Xbox console and an expensive bottle of Spirit. He also binned a fridge/freezers worth of food before stealing that too.
The last we heard of Mr Beckinsale he had gone into rehab for an obscenely expensive cocaine addiction and was about to declare himself bankrupt. We also routinely receive letters from debt collectors trying to track him down and the Royal Bank of Scotland are about to start court proceedings against him and Miss Clarke for unpaid debts.
As I said I felt it only fair to give you some background on this guy. As you’ll notice neither this letter or the reference are signed as I understand it is illegal in this country to provide a bad reference. I wish you all the best.
Regards,
A Friend.